6 more days...

6 days until December 4th.
6 days until what would have been my wedding.
6 days until it will no longer be looming in the future, begging me to wonder "what if."
6 days until I for sure stop receiving emails from wedding vendors shoving their services down my throat.
6 days until Joey will no longer be connected to any future date in my life.

They ground our initials off of the vase I made for our wedding. It was a horrible, screeching sound that was an oddly satisfying mix sadness, peace, and jubilation.
I painted over it. There's a very obvious mark where our intials were painted, ground away and painted over, but that seems only appropriate. I can no more erase that mark from existence than I can erase every mark on my heart and mind that he left. I so wish I could. I wish that whenever he came to mind it didn't cause a twinge - whether or sadness, anger, or anything else.

I wish I could keep every benefit of our relationship (the friendships I made through him) while forgetting he exists.

I am sad, but I'm ok. I'm not sad over Joey as much as I'm sad for the way that he made me feel broken and defective - again.If you talk to me about weddings between now and then, you do so at your own peril.