Joey cancelled the wedding two weeks ago. He didn't just cancel the wedding - he cancelled us.
So I cut my hair. A lot.
All the vendors, venues, and dresses were handled in 2 business days.
I was so angry. Angry first with him, then not angry with him but angry with God.
First I said, "I'm done. I don't have the energy to ever do this again." Then I begged God to put it back together. Now I'm not talking to God about whether or not there wil be a Joey and me in the future. I'm talking to him about other things.
I broke down once or twice. Or fifty times.
I slept in his tshirt and came home from work to put on his sweatshirt. Now I want them both out of my house.
It's no longer appropriate to answer yes to this question, but I wasn't thinking of that when I asked myself today if I still love him. There wasn't an answer.
How am I? Today I'm ok. Yesterday and the day before I was ok. Tomorrow I hope I'm a little more ok that I am now.
Just a girl trying to figure out the heck comes next, and trying to remember not to worry about it so much that I forget to live in what happens now.
About Me
- Crystal
- Murfreesboro, TN
- I'm a 30-something female living in a college town. I love Dr. Pepper, (but am trying to give it up) my friends, (I am not trying to give them up,) my family, and Jesus. Not in that order. Jesus is SO much better than Dr. Pepper (and all the rest.) I have a job, a dog, a fiance, a (sometimes) running car and am growing out wedding hair.
My 101 in 1001
not yet... but soon.
in progress
finished!
1. Take a cake decorating class.
2. Take a flower arranging class.
3. Except for student loans, get out of debt.
4. Go a full month without Dr. Pepper. 6/12-7/12. It was hell.
5. Go to bed before midnight 4 days of every week for three months. (been more than 3 months now, it's habit.)
6. Lose the weight.
7. Get a dog. (brought Gracie home 3/12/10)
8. Take Gracie to obedience classes.
9. Work on my novel every day for 2 months, even if I only get out 50 words.
10. Read the Bible cover to cover.
11. Get a passport.
12. Tie a note to a balloon and let it go. (August, 2010)
13. Bring my lunch to work 100 times – (15/100)
14. Build an emergency fund of $1,000.
15. Open a checking account. (October 24. 2010)
16. Finish writing this freaking list. 3/21/10
17. Lead my Gracie through the Canine Good Citizen Test.
18. Walk "across Tennessee" (6/432 miles)
19. Pay for the person behind me in the drive-thru (4/28/10)
20. Tithe for 3 straight months.
21. Meet 5 old friends I've reconnected with on Facebook but haven't seen since high school for lunch. (0/5)
22. Send 50 Christmas cards
23. Get a new car.
24. No pizza for 3 months. (Starting 3/9/10.)
25. Take 10 one day breaks from the internet. Work sites at work don't count. (2/10)
26. Host a dinner party.
27. Keep room clean for a month.
28. Forgive Joey. For real this time.
29. Mail in a secret to Post Secret
30. Use my whole tanning package in a short enough time that I actually get a tan.
31. Go to the zoo without children and see ALL the animals.
32. Pay my phone bill on time for 6 months.
33. Print & frame a picture that I took.
34. Finally buy some Chanel No. 5.
35. Save $500 to take on my trip... not including hotel and airfare.
36. Learn to make Irish soda bread.
37. Learn to make zucchini bread.
38. No ice cream for a month.
39. Achieve leading at work for 3 months.
40. Go on a trip with my mom. (4/9-11)
41. Bake/cook something for my neighbors.
42. Bake cookies for the girls in the office.
43. Travel to 5 states I've never been to before.
44. Attend the symphony.
45. Try 10 new restaurants. (10/10) finished October, 2010
46. Walk a 5K.
47. Go to a wine tasting. (4/15/2011)
48. Go to the Renaissance Fair.
49. Get a massage. (3/28)
50. Go on a mission trip.
51. Go to church every Sunday for 5 months (unless ill.)
52. Go to Sunday school every week for 3 months.
53. Crochet a baby blanket.
54. Go to Omega Phi Alpha Convention
55. Go to 3 plays. (2/3)
56. Go back to school.
57. Get my teeth fixed.
58. Send a package to Mason.
59.Send a package to Tyler.
60. Send a package to Mallie.
61. Send a package to Sydney.
62. Finish laundry every week for 2 months.
63. Set a budget and adhere closely to it for 3 months
64. Paint again - a three panel painting for over the bed.
65. Have Mallie over for the weekend. (June 11-13)
66. Build a better relationship with my sister-in-law. Pretty sure this is as good as it's going to get. :(
67. Go see Grandmother every two weeks for 6 months.
68. Send flowers to someone. (February)
69. Send Jacob Marler something cool.
70. Write my politicians to ask them to vote against the president's health care plan. 3/18/10
71. Yoga video every other day for three months.
72. Other workout video every other day for three months.
73. Read 5 nonfiction books.
74. Go through Financial Peace and go to each session.
75. Finish Beth Moore David study.
76. Write 5 letters and include either mom's chicken casserole recipe, the spiced apple cider recipe or Mema's sugar cookie recipe.
77. Order flags for G, B and D.
78. Jog for 20 minutes straight.
79. Drink 5 glasses of water a day for 3 weeks.
80. Plant a tree.
81. Take snack to Gabe's pack.
82. Buy 3 daring accessories and actually wear them.
83. Make a grocery list and shop from ONLY that list 5 times. (1/5)
84. Cut out coupons and actually USE them for above shopping trips.
85. Keep car clean for 6 weeks.
86. Invite Mom and Dad over for dinner once a month.
87. Take one week off from Twitter, including updates from my phone. (6/7-6/14/10)
88. Take one week off from Facebook, including updates from my phone.
89. Purchase a piece of furniture - real furniture, not assembly-required bookshelves from Target.
90. Use passport.
91. Invest in an awesome pair of black shoes.
92. Find an amazing recipe in Southern Living and perfect it.
93. Organize all the recipes I clip from magazines in a binder.
94. Reupholster Mema's vanity chair.
95. Work 50 hours in a charity.
96. Decide what sort of nonprofit organization I want to start and research.
97. Take a photography class.
98. Take a ballroom dancing class.
99. Finally hang the lantern I bought 2 years ago.
100. Buy an outfit that fits at White House Black Market.
101. Make a new friend. (I'm counting Veronica.)
in progress
finished!
1. Take a cake decorating class.
2. Take a flower arranging class.
3. Except for student loans, get out of debt.
4. Go a full month without Dr. Pepper. 6/12-7/12. It was hell.
5. Go to bed before midnight 4 days of every week for three months. (been more than 3 months now, it's habit.)
6. Lose the weight.
7. Get a dog. (brought Gracie home 3/12/10)
8. Take Gracie to obedience classes.
9. Work on my novel every day for 2 months, even if I only get out 50 words.
10. Read the Bible cover to cover.
11. Get a passport.
12. Tie a note to a balloon and let it go. (August, 2010)
13. Bring my lunch to work 100 times – (15/100)
14. Build an emergency fund of $1,000.
15. Open a checking account. (October 24. 2010)
16. Finish writing this freaking list. 3/21/10
17. Lead my Gracie through the Canine Good Citizen Test.
18. Walk "across Tennessee" (6/432 miles)
19. Pay for the person behind me in the drive-thru (4/28/10)
20. Tithe for 3 straight months.
21. Meet 5 old friends I've reconnected with on Facebook but haven't seen since high school for lunch. (0/5)
22. Send 50 Christmas cards
23. Get a new car.
24. No pizza for 3 months. (Starting 3/9/10.)
25. Take 10 one day breaks from the internet. Work sites at work don't count. (2/10)
26. Host a dinner party.
27. Keep room clean for a month.
28. Forgive Joey. For real this time.
29. Mail in a secret to Post Secret
30. Use my whole tanning package in a short enough time that I actually get a tan.
31. Go to the zoo without children and see ALL the animals.
32. Pay my phone bill on time for 6 months.
33. Print & frame a picture that I took.
34. Finally buy some Chanel No. 5.
35. Save $500 to take on my trip... not including hotel and airfare.
36. Learn to make Irish soda bread.
37. Learn to make zucchini bread.
38. No ice cream for a month.
39. Achieve leading at work for 3 months.
40. Go on a trip with my mom. (4/9-11)
41. Bake/cook something for my neighbors.
42. Bake cookies for the girls in the office.
43. Travel to 5 states I've never been to before.
44. Attend the symphony.
45. Try 10 new restaurants. (10/10) finished October, 2010
46. Walk a 5K.
47. Go to a wine tasting. (4/15/2011)
48. Go to the Renaissance Fair.
49. Get a massage. (3/28)
50. Go on a mission trip.
51. Go to church every Sunday for 5 months (unless ill.)
52. Go to Sunday school every week for 3 months.
53. Crochet a baby blanket.
54. Go to Omega Phi Alpha Convention
55. Go to 3 plays. (2/3)
56. Go back to school.
57. Get my teeth fixed.
58. Send a package to Mason.
59.Send a package to Tyler.
60. Send a package to Mallie.
61. Send a package to Sydney.
62. Finish laundry every week for 2 months.
63. Set a budget and adhere closely to it for 3 months
64. Paint again - a three panel painting for over the bed.
65. Have Mallie over for the weekend. (June 11-13)
66. Build a better relationship with my sister-in-law. Pretty sure this is as good as it's going to get. :(
67. Go see Grandmother every two weeks for 6 months.
68. Send flowers to someone. (February)
69. Send Jacob Marler something cool.
70. Write my politicians to ask them to vote against the president's health care plan. 3/18/10
71. Yoga video every other day for three months.
72. Other workout video every other day for three months.
73. Read 5 nonfiction books.
74. Go through Financial Peace and go to each session.
75. Finish Beth Moore David study.
76. Write 5 letters and include either mom's chicken casserole recipe, the spiced apple cider recipe or Mema's sugar cookie recipe.
77. Order flags for G, B and D.
78. Jog for 20 minutes straight.
79. Drink 5 glasses of water a day for 3 weeks.
80. Plant a tree.
81. Take snack to Gabe's pack.
82. Buy 3 daring accessories and actually wear them.
83. Make a grocery list and shop from ONLY that list 5 times. (1/5)
84. Cut out coupons and actually USE them for above shopping trips.
85. Keep car clean for 6 weeks.
86. Invite Mom and Dad over for dinner once a month.
87. Take one week off from Twitter, including updates from my phone. (6/7-6/14/10)
88. Take one week off from Facebook, including updates from my phone.
89. Purchase a piece of furniture - real furniture, not assembly-required bookshelves from Target.
90. Use passport.
91. Invest in an awesome pair of black shoes.
92. Find an amazing recipe in Southern Living and perfect it.
93. Organize all the recipes I clip from magazines in a binder.
94. Reupholster Mema's vanity chair.
95. Work 50 hours in a charity.
96. Decide what sort of nonprofit organization I want to start and research.
97. Take a photography class.
98. Take a ballroom dancing class.
99. Finally hang the lantern I bought 2 years ago.
100. Buy an outfit that fits at White House Black Market.
101. Make a new friend. (I'm counting Veronica.)
My Blog List
Followers
My mother used to say to me, "Elwood-" she always called me Elwood-"in this life you can be two things:
Oh so smart, or oh so pleasant." For years I was smart.
I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.
- Elwood P. Dowd, Harvey
Oh so smart, or oh so pleasant." For years I was smart.
I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.
- Elwood P. Dowd, Harvey