I'm thirsty.

October flew by and November is more than half over. Can you believe it? Less than a week until Thanksgiving! I feel so unprepared this year. I've been engaged for 2 months now, I spent a week in Disney with the family, I've booked a caterer, a baker, a photographer, the church, the reception venue, decided on the florist (tentatively,) spent a little time with the Roommates (minus my RJo,) and last night I got to bring home my wedding dress, which was a whole size smaller than the one I originally ordered! For the most part the past month has been awesome.

But then there's the couple of things that have not been awesome. There's a situation in my family that is currently tearing some of us apart and breaking all of our hearts. Two people that I love very much may be ending their marriage and I'm devastated. Some days I just cry until my head hurts or I fall asleep. Sometimes I am just so angry with the selfishness that is guiding their choices that I want to shake them. Other times I pray for God to just suspend free will for a little bit and just MAKE THEM do what they're supposed to do. I know that God can heal their marriage. I know that He wants to restore their love for each other. But even though I know it, I feel this dread that the decision is already made, that they've already divorced each other in their hearts and minds, and I feel so crushed. I don't feel the victory that can be won.

I know that this inability to feel victory and the dread that I feel are my fault. I've not prayed enough. I've not spent enough time on my knees and in the Word for these two. I've not spent the time in prayer I've needed to period. When I've been away from prayer and my Bible and then come back to it, it is literally like taking a long, slow drink from a spring after a drought. And yet I've put off the drink that's available to me and have been content to remain thirsty.

Victory. Peace. Joy. Contentment. Abundance. Love. That is what I want them to know and experience. Not abundance of possessions... they already have that. I want the rest of their cup to overflow. I want mine to as well.

I need a me and God day.